Let's Dance

Dance parties are a big deal at my school. Most of the places you go on any given weekend will most likely incorporate dancing. For someone like me, this is phenomenal. I can't say that I'm a good dancer, but I found that when dancing at these parties, ability has little to do with it. I am confident. I try different moves, and go with the flow. In order to do this, one needs a girl to dance with. Fortunately, finding a suitable girl is not all that difficult. I usually have no problem approaching a girl, and oft times there are many that I already know. The problem I encounter comes after we start. The sexual nature of today's dancing leaves me in a rather uncomfortable situation, especially with girls that I do not know well. Somewhere in the back of my mind this thought that I should know them a little bit always creeps into my mind. I wage a battle in my head: do I start a conversation or don't I? Now I think it is safe to say that having an actual chat with a girl that is draped all over you is probably a bit of a turn off, but not saying anything is just creepy to me. Let me paint you a picture. I'm at a party, see a girl across the room, think she is cute and go dance with her. Two minutes later she is all over me as if we have been dating for years. Now at this moment I usually think to myself that I must get to know her at least a little. So I start talking to her. Always a big mistake. Whenever I do this I am always given a horrified look as if I have just broken some type of code or something. For a while I never understood why this was. Then I started to look around my surroundings and I realized something about females. They have code signs. It is a well known fact that all girls travel in packs. It is the responsibility of each individual member within the pack to look out for the other members. Typically, this will go something like this: guy approaches a girl and starts dancing with her. Fellow members of the pack judge the guy their friend is dancing with and give a signal as to whether she should continue to dance or not. Sometimes these signs are really generic like a thumbs up or thumbs down or occasionally they are more subtle like a simple gesture. Either way the message is delivered...and always obeyed. Personally I can honestly say that I have never noticed this happen to me. Now, I'm beginning to understand why girls don't like the simple conversation. If they are dancing with you, they don't care. They don't really want to know you...they just know that the rest of their friends approve and that is all that really matters. With this newfound knowledge I have a new approach: no more conversation...let's just dance baby.

Why I Write (Doug)

Within the last few weeks, I have found myself having to defend the blog more and more. At parties, groups of girls circle, whispering and pointing at me until one finally builds the courage to ask me if I am "the kid that writes the blog." Others are more blunt. I have been told that our blog is "demeaning to women" and that I'm not Tucker Max. Sometimes, the feedback is positive. Just last week a girl approached me and said "I read your last post. It was really nice and sweet. I liked it a lot." Generally, when a girl (or group) tells me that I'm "disgusting" or an "a******" I simply ask them whether or not they have read it. Surprisingly, most who hate on me, haven't read a single word. They simply believe the rumor mill. I have found that most everyone who has read the blog has mostly positive things to say about it. Sure, there may be some questionable parts, but to say that it is demeaning to women might be a tad harsh. My only hope is that before you pass judgement on my writing, take the time to read several posts. If you do that, I feel as though it will be hard to find anything too wrong with "The Journey of Two Imperfect Guys."

This finally leaves me with the question as to why I write. Why do I continue something that has brought me such turmoil? I mulled over this question quite a while. Finally, I remembered something that I once learned in English class. A great writer doesn't write for his audience, but for himself. I write for myself, not for Alex, the kids in my dorm, or my friends from home. Of course, I hope that everyone enjoys my writing. It is my desire that the observations I make are discussed and the reality of what I say is discovered. My only goal is to show how crazy we make something that is seemingly so simple, and my only hope is that you take time to consider what I say before you judge it.

Overanalyzing Simplicity

There comes a time when every guy changes their expectations of girls. For example, I think it is safe to say that most guys care much less about personality than overall attraction during high school. While I'm sure there are many guys who never grow out of this stage, Alex and I are starting to notice a transition into looking for the more wholesome girl. Not to say that we aren't attracted to the girls we date, but it becomes much more enriching to date someone who has opinions and is interested in what is going on around her. The transition from high school to college has elevated our educational thinking and conversely has changed the type of girl we are interested in. I'm sure that this idea is the same for girls. Conversation and personality has grown much more important when dating. With that being said, it is fair to create a connection between this idea and the "dream girl" vs. "fall back girl" that Alex and I detail extensively in previous posts. To reiterate, the difference between the two most likely does not hinge upon looks, but more upon the types of conversations you can share with the girls.

Throughout most of high school, Alex was good friends with a girl who he had a lot in common with. They were very comfortable with each other and had a very good relationship. Now, there is no denying that this girl was (and still is) cute. She has an appeal about her that few other girls possess. However whether or not Alex was caught up with his "dream girl" documented in one of the earliest posts, or if he was scared of the commitment, he never made a move. Obviously, it is important to know that this girl was without a doubt interested in him. While she was comfortable as friends, she had a crush on him throughout most of high school. Towards the end of the summer, Alex and I hung out with before we all went back to college. I had never been that close with her, but I respected her and knew the history between her and Alex. Throughout hanging out, I saw the familiarity that each had with the other. They were so smooth, so relaxed. It was almost sad that they weren't together.

After we left Alex said to me, "hey man you know how we were discussing the difference between the fall back girl and the dream girl? Well I always thought she was the fall back type, but I think I might have been wrong. She's everything I really want." I must admit I was intrigued by this moment of realization. Both of us have never really been able to settle on one girl for an extended period, and this comment seemed to be an opening to a new level of maturity. Unfortunately for Alex, this girl now has a fairly serious boyfriend at college, and has seemed to gotten over her long crush on him. Their timing was never right. While things could possibly still develop in the future, who knows if they will ever feel the same way at the same moment. The key to this story is that there is no such thing as the perfect girl. Girls, as well as guys are far from perfect, and to search for perfection is a futile cause. Of course, Alex didn't realize this when it was most important. He looked through the girl he could have been totally happy with, for a dream that does not exist. We all must learn never to overanalyze simplicity...