Unrequited Love?

I just returned from a trip to my aunt's house, and while visiting relatives can often be a drag, I always look forward to seeing this particular aunt. Apart from having a very successful career, and a solid family, I find her to be one of the more fascinating people that I know. She is exceptionally personable and charming, and tells stories with a charisma that makes you hold your breath in anticipation of what is to come next. Her brilliant story telling is due not only to her oratory skills, but also to a wide variety of adventures that she has undertaken throughout her lifetime. She has travelled all over the world, and has put herself in the most interesting of company. In essence, thus far, she has lived her life to the fullest. Because of her vast intellect, I would say that I generally have fairly interesting conversations with her whenever the opportunity presents itself. This weekend was no different.

It all happened yesterday evening, when sitting around the kitchen my aunt made a shocking proclamation, "I think in any marriage there is one person who is more in love than the other. Love is not symmetrical." Upon hearing this, my immediate instinct was to protest. Yes, it is true, I have documented a few of my less savory moments with girls, but this did not prevent me from some still believing that somewhere in the great abyss of love there was something about a man and a woman being together that was pure. Perhaps it is naive, but I had always assumed that it was possible to find a couple that loved each other passionately and with vigor; that the sum of their love would be equal, even if it stemmed from different reasons. With this in mind, I pulled together an argument to support my beliefs. The discussion was waged for several minutes, and while no definitive answer was reached, I felt a bit shaken.

Following dinner, my thoughts once again began to ponder what my aunt had said. I went over all of my past relationships, the smallest details, and the most obvious flaws in an attempt to try and find some sort of answer. Now obviously, my high school relationships were no where near anything like love, but it was the only real thing I could draw any experience from. Slowly, what my aunt had said began to make sense. I thought of the girl from "sometimes its just too easy" and the girl that I mentioned in the previous post. I thought to myself, why would they do what they did? Why put themselves out there in a situation that seemed so precarious? In this moment, I realized that they simply cared more than me. Obviously, at some point I had stupidly liked them enough to date them, but throughout the relationship they became much more smitten with me than I was with them. Our "love" wasn't symmetrical.

Despite realizing that relationships, and even marriages are not always even, I still believe that there are many that are. It is possible for a couple to be head over heels for each other. Many relationships are founded upon an equal passion; a passion that over time festers into an intense relationship. I believe, at times, this passion tears people apart, and it is what makes love so unique. Sharing with someone an intense feeling is something that is difficult, and must be fought for. It is the most trying type of love; one that both builds and destroys. It exists, because if it didn't, love wouldn't be complicated.

The Back Home Girls

Winter break provides an interesting respite to the constant pressures and partying of college. For most, returning home means reconnecting with a slower, more relaxed style of living where hanging out consists of "bro talks" long into the evening, and fridays mean high school basketball at its finest. At first, I will admit I was depressed about my sudden decline from college bro to college loner back home for break, but being able to see my oldest and best of friends has torn me from my melancholy trance. Coming home brings one more thing as well: old high school girls. Whether it is ex girlfriends, past hook-ups, or even just old friends, coming home inevitably means babes. I have noticed that girls notice break is coming and attempt to lay plans in advance. For instance, the last weekend I was at school I was with my girlfriend in her room (yes, I do have a girlfriend, and no I haven't neglected her on the blog, she will probably be posted about) when I received a call from one of my past girlfriends. Now, to be fair to this ex we had had a fairly serious relationship at one point, and while since breaking up we had essentially ignored the hell out of each other, I had a feeling she still had a soft spot for me. Anyway, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to answer, especially when it was fairly obvious the girl on the other end of the line was drunk (it was late at night) and was about to pronounce her love for me. Sure enough, within about 18 seconds of answering she had uttered the first "I love you" and had moved on to asking me if I still missed her. Now, I obviously still didn't miss her, and have moved on a great deal, but I couldn't be mean. I simply responded that it was the alcohol talking and that she should get home and get some sleep. This didn't go over well. She responded by telling me to go f*** myself and quickly hung up the phone. I returned to my babe, explained what had happened, and after she mused that girls can be pathetic sometimes, the evening continued without another thought to the matter.

While I have obviously made no effort to reach out to this girl upon returning home, and have no intention of doing so with anyone, I have still begun to think about what many guys must be going through this time of year. While most of my ex's have deleted me on facebook and from their contact list, there are many people who must come home to someone they still have at least lukewarm feelings for. And herein lies the dilemma: what do you do? Do you ignore the other person as if they don't exist, agree to hangout but only as friends, or do you take the riskiest of choices and just go for it? I'm not here to make your decision for you, but I think it is important I lay out a simple ground-rules to consider before making a decision. First, know that no matter what, there is no way a relationship can and should come from this. Listen guys, this is a one month fling, if it was meant to be it would've happened in high school. Second, make sure it is really worth it. Chances are you will be primarily hooking up, so if she doesn't know what she is doing in that department, or things might be awkward, it probably isn't worth it. Finally, make sure she knows that its just a fling. There is no point to burn anymore bridges than necessary.

Honestly, thats as straight forward as I can be. Weigh your options, and choose accordingly. Just be smart with the back home girls, there is no need to add drama to anymore past high school relationships. Winter break is meant for kids to relax and unwind from the fall semester and if you need to do that through a fling then so be it. Just remember...don't let it go too far.

The Relationship Timeline

I am beginning to notice an unsettling trend in the dating field. The act of dating, something that was once viewed as romantic and spontaneous has turned into a dreary, and draining experience. Alex and I were discussing the other day how dating has become impersonal and controlled. You see, it has evolved into a process. You see a cute girl, and do your best to begin talking to her. Whether through a friend, or by actually manning up and asking yourself, you get her number. That can be considered step number one. Inevitably, before texting her, you decide to wait 2-4 days, depending on how much of a dick you are, in an attempt to not seem too desperate. In reality, by texting this babe later as opposed to sooner, you are merely making it obvious that you deliberately waited. If she has any game whatsoever, she will uncover your silly ideas without much difficulty. Generally, these initial texts are generic as hell. Let's face it guys, most of you are too nervous to be creative with your conversation. You send the first text, talk for a few minutes (making sure to play the minute game of course) and end the chat, because most are scared that they will slip up by talking too long.

This initial text leads to an inevitable trend. As the guy you will wait another 1-2 days for the next contact provided the girl doesn't text you first. You will begin with something like "hey what have you been up to lately" in an attempt to actually seem interested in the last 40 or so hours of her life, as if something monumental must have occurred. A few minutes of nervous conversation is quickly followed up by the question of a date which is stated something like this: "so I was thinking that maybe sometime we could get together for dinner or something if you wanted haha." The most important thing to notice about this line is the "haha" at the end. This "haha" ladies and gentleman is not one of those arbitrary, meaningless "haha's" that everyone puts at the end of their sentences when texting. No, it is designed so that if the guy happens to be rejected, they can always play it off as if the whole thing was partly a joke. The "haha" is an escape route from harsh and painful rejection.

Assuming that the girl does agree to go on a date, things will commence in a very average way. The couple will go to a safe, generally generic restaurant and idle over pointless conversation (or meaningful if you are one those intellectual types) until the food is served at which point both will begin to eat nervously, each afraid to appear a messy eater. There will undoubtedly be some type of sexual tension as well. Flirtatious remarks will be exchanged if things are going well, and as the meal closes its end both will start to dwell nervously on the impending first kiss. Once dinner is finished, the car ride home becomes one of great interest. Conversation will be very forward and flirty by this point, and both will be wondering what will happen as the night closes. Unfortunately, I have decided that really it just doesn't matter. I have just described you the beginning of an average relationship, and with these humble beginnings it is difficult to imagine it being successful. The following is missing: spontaneity, passion, and romance.

Now to be fair, not everyone is totally like this. There are success stories of good daters, and there are quite a few couples who are happy with their dating style. However, there is still a need to shake it up. Guys must learn to avoid the obvious texting patterns and learn to become harder to read. In addition, as men, we must learn to realize that it is okay to be different. We should try harder to find an unusual restaurant, or engage in stimulating, intellectual conversation. Gentleman, the key is to stand out, and in order to do that chances must be made. Let go.

The Art of the Drunk Text

We've all done it before. You know, the times when you get a little tipsy, had a bit too much alcy, and start to get wistful about all the past relationships you have ever had in your entire life. From, the girl you first referred to as your "girlfriend" in the sixth grade, to that random senior you hooked up with a few times as a freshman, (yeah, I did that) your semi-functioning brain begins to reminisce on what could have been. Suddenly, every girls annoying flaws, and irritating habits are eliminated, and all you can remember are the few sorta enjoyable moments you had with them. Only, in your mind these moments are suddenly transformed into unforgettable memories. All of a sudden that cellphone in your pocket begins to burn a hole through your pants. As much as you try to dissuade yourself, and as bad an idea you know it really is, the thought of reconciling things with this past "love" is too much to handle. Alas, the strain is too much, and you whip out your phone and manage to string together a few words of something like "hey, I miss you" or some bs like that and you do the worst thing imaginable: you hit send.

Now at this moment, after you have essentially dug your own grave by allowing yourself to send this message, one of two things can happen. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse. The first possibility is that this girl will just assume you are hammered and ignore you completely, one-word you to kill the conversation, or make some pathetic remark like "get a life" which is always very amusing. While this might lower your confidence for about 39 seconds, it isn't all that hard to rebound from. The second possibility could be a bit more devastating: the girl might actually take this as a sign you want to get back together, or hook up. This will probably develop over the next couples of days with her texting you continuously, talking about how much she has missed you, and how great a couple you two were. Now to be perfectly honest, I can't say there is a definitive way out of this hole. If you blow her off, you look like an a****** considering that you initiated the conversation in the first place. You can't even make the excuse that you were belligerent, because even that shows you were thinking of her. My only suggestion is to step on the grenade. Go on a date, with her, really it is all you can do. Take her to the most generic restaurant possible, and put in absolutely no effort. Essentially, prove to her that you haven't changed at all, and aren't worth dating. Really, that is the only way to rectify this horrible situation.

While this is my perspective, on drunk texting girls, Alex does things a bit differently. He is currently sitting next to me on fooling around on youtube, so I'll have to offer his opinion on my own. While I usually only text girls that I haven't associated with in a while, Alex reaches out to girl that he would ideally like to be with. The girls that he had a fling with during high school, but wanted more, or the ones that he failed to have the courage to take to the next level. He uses this sudden dosage of confidence as an excuse to make conversation. Somehow, when drunk, Alex convinces himself that he has more game with women than sober. While I'm not really sure how this works, it is the method he uses, so I can't argue too much. Miraculously, it has been found to be rather effective too. The relationship he had with the girl he recently dumped originated because of a drunk text. Of course with every success, there are failures as well. Fortunately, Alex has become quite good at covering up his mishaps with lines like "I'm so sorry about last night, I was like 10 deep and I lost myself there for a while." An effective line like that, and all is forgiven.

While both Alex and I do not totally disapprove of the drunk text, we want to warn our male readers of its many pitfalls. The next time your phones starts to burn a hole through your jeans, think twice about what you are doing. Yes, things could work out and you could get with the girl in your mind, but is it really worth it? Is she that amazing, or is your inebriated self covering her true image? Choose wisely my friends...don't dig your own grave.