Unrequited Love?

I just returned from a trip to my aunt's house, and while visiting relatives can often be a drag, I always look forward to seeing this particular aunt. Apart from having a very successful career, and a solid family, I find her to be one of the more fascinating people that I know. She is exceptionally personable and charming, and tells stories with a charisma that makes you hold your breath in anticipation of what is to come next. Her brilliant story telling is due not only to her oratory skills, but also to a wide variety of adventures that she has undertaken throughout her lifetime. She has travelled all over the world, and has put herself in the most interesting of company. In essence, thus far, she has lived her life to the fullest. Because of her vast intellect, I would say that I generally have fairly interesting conversations with her whenever the opportunity presents itself. This weekend was no different.

It all happened yesterday evening, when sitting around the kitchen my aunt made a shocking proclamation, "I think in any marriage there is one person who is more in love than the other. Love is not symmetrical." Upon hearing this, my immediate instinct was to protest. Yes, it is true, I have documented a few of my less savory moments with girls, but this did not prevent me from some still believing that somewhere in the great abyss of love there was something about a man and a woman being together that was pure. Perhaps it is naive, but I had always assumed that it was possible to find a couple that loved each other passionately and with vigor; that the sum of their love would be equal, even if it stemmed from different reasons. With this in mind, I pulled together an argument to support my beliefs. The discussion was waged for several minutes, and while no definitive answer was reached, I felt a bit shaken.

Following dinner, my thoughts once again began to ponder what my aunt had said. I went over all of my past relationships, the smallest details, and the most obvious flaws in an attempt to try and find some sort of answer. Now obviously, my high school relationships were no where near anything like love, but it was the only real thing I could draw any experience from. Slowly, what my aunt had said began to make sense. I thought of the girl from "sometimes its just too easy" and the girl that I mentioned in the previous post. I thought to myself, why would they do what they did? Why put themselves out there in a situation that seemed so precarious? In this moment, I realized that they simply cared more than me. Obviously, at some point I had stupidly liked them enough to date them, but throughout the relationship they became much more smitten with me than I was with them. Our "love" wasn't symmetrical.

Despite realizing that relationships, and even marriages are not always even, I still believe that there are many that are. It is possible for a couple to be head over heels for each other. Many relationships are founded upon an equal passion; a passion that over time festers into an intense relationship. I believe, at times, this passion tears people apart, and it is what makes love so unique. Sharing with someone an intense feeling is something that is difficult, and must be fought for. It is the most trying type of love; one that both builds and destroys. It exists, because if it didn't, love wouldn't be complicated.

The Back Home Girls

Winter break provides an interesting respite to the constant pressures and partying of college. For most, returning home means reconnecting with a slower, more relaxed style of living where hanging out consists of "bro talks" long into the evening, and fridays mean high school basketball at its finest. At first, I will admit I was depressed about my sudden decline from college bro to college loner back home for break, but being able to see my oldest and best of friends has torn me from my melancholy trance. Coming home brings one more thing as well: old high school girls. Whether it is ex girlfriends, past hook-ups, or even just old friends, coming home inevitably means babes. I have noticed that girls notice break is coming and attempt to lay plans in advance. For instance, the last weekend I was at school I was with my girlfriend in her room (yes, I do have a girlfriend, and no I haven't neglected her on the blog, she will probably be posted about) when I received a call from one of my past girlfriends. Now, to be fair to this ex we had had a fairly serious relationship at one point, and while since breaking up we had essentially ignored the hell out of each other, I had a feeling she still had a soft spot for me. Anyway, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to answer, especially when it was fairly obvious the girl on the other end of the line was drunk (it was late at night) and was about to pronounce her love for me. Sure enough, within about 18 seconds of answering she had uttered the first "I love you" and had moved on to asking me if I still missed her. Now, I obviously still didn't miss her, and have moved on a great deal, but I couldn't be mean. I simply responded that it was the alcohol talking and that she should get home and get some sleep. This didn't go over well. She responded by telling me to go f*** myself and quickly hung up the phone. I returned to my babe, explained what had happened, and after she mused that girls can be pathetic sometimes, the evening continued without another thought to the matter.

While I have obviously made no effort to reach out to this girl upon returning home, and have no intention of doing so with anyone, I have still begun to think about what many guys must be going through this time of year. While most of my ex's have deleted me on facebook and from their contact list, there are many people who must come home to someone they still have at least lukewarm feelings for. And herein lies the dilemma: what do you do? Do you ignore the other person as if they don't exist, agree to hangout but only as friends, or do you take the riskiest of choices and just go for it? I'm not here to make your decision for you, but I think it is important I lay out a simple ground-rules to consider before making a decision. First, know that no matter what, there is no way a relationship can and should come from this. Listen guys, this is a one month fling, if it was meant to be it would've happened in high school. Second, make sure it is really worth it. Chances are you will be primarily hooking up, so if she doesn't know what she is doing in that department, or things might be awkward, it probably isn't worth it. Finally, make sure she knows that its just a fling. There is no point to burn anymore bridges than necessary.

Honestly, thats as straight forward as I can be. Weigh your options, and choose accordingly. Just be smart with the back home girls, there is no need to add drama to anymore past high school relationships. Winter break is meant for kids to relax and unwind from the fall semester and if you need to do that through a fling then so be it. Just remember...don't let it go too far.

The Relationship Timeline

I am beginning to notice an unsettling trend in the dating field. The act of dating, something that was once viewed as romantic and spontaneous has turned into a dreary, and draining experience. Alex and I were discussing the other day how dating has become impersonal and controlled. You see, it has evolved into a process. You see a cute girl, and do your best to begin talking to her. Whether through a friend, or by actually manning up and asking yourself, you get her number. That can be considered step number one. Inevitably, before texting her, you decide to wait 2-4 days, depending on how much of a dick you are, in an attempt to not seem too desperate. In reality, by texting this babe later as opposed to sooner, you are merely making it obvious that you deliberately waited. If she has any game whatsoever, she will uncover your silly ideas without much difficulty. Generally, these initial texts are generic as hell. Let's face it guys, most of you are too nervous to be creative with your conversation. You send the first text, talk for a few minutes (making sure to play the minute game of course) and end the chat, because most are scared that they will slip up by talking too long.

This initial text leads to an inevitable trend. As the guy you will wait another 1-2 days for the next contact provided the girl doesn't text you first. You will begin with something like "hey what have you been up to lately" in an attempt to actually seem interested in the last 40 or so hours of her life, as if something monumental must have occurred. A few minutes of nervous conversation is quickly followed up by the question of a date which is stated something like this: "so I was thinking that maybe sometime we could get together for dinner or something if you wanted haha." The most important thing to notice about this line is the "haha" at the end. This "haha" ladies and gentleman is not one of those arbitrary, meaningless "haha's" that everyone puts at the end of their sentences when texting. No, it is designed so that if the guy happens to be rejected, they can always play it off as if the whole thing was partly a joke. The "haha" is an escape route from harsh and painful rejection.

Assuming that the girl does agree to go on a date, things will commence in a very average way. The couple will go to a safe, generally generic restaurant and idle over pointless conversation (or meaningful if you are one those intellectual types) until the food is served at which point both will begin to eat nervously, each afraid to appear a messy eater. There will undoubtedly be some type of sexual tension as well. Flirtatious remarks will be exchanged if things are going well, and as the meal closes its end both will start to dwell nervously on the impending first kiss. Once dinner is finished, the car ride home becomes one of great interest. Conversation will be very forward and flirty by this point, and both will be wondering what will happen as the night closes. Unfortunately, I have decided that really it just doesn't matter. I have just described you the beginning of an average relationship, and with these humble beginnings it is difficult to imagine it being successful. The following is missing: spontaneity, passion, and romance.

Now to be fair, not everyone is totally like this. There are success stories of good daters, and there are quite a few couples who are happy with their dating style. However, there is still a need to shake it up. Guys must learn to avoid the obvious texting patterns and learn to become harder to read. In addition, as men, we must learn to realize that it is okay to be different. We should try harder to find an unusual restaurant, or engage in stimulating, intellectual conversation. Gentleman, the key is to stand out, and in order to do that chances must be made. Let go.

The Art of the Drunk Text

We've all done it before. You know, the times when you get a little tipsy, had a bit too much alcy, and start to get wistful about all the past relationships you have ever had in your entire life. From, the girl you first referred to as your "girlfriend" in the sixth grade, to that random senior you hooked up with a few times as a freshman, (yeah, I did that) your semi-functioning brain begins to reminisce on what could have been. Suddenly, every girls annoying flaws, and irritating habits are eliminated, and all you can remember are the few sorta enjoyable moments you had with them. Only, in your mind these moments are suddenly transformed into unforgettable memories. All of a sudden that cellphone in your pocket begins to burn a hole through your pants. As much as you try to dissuade yourself, and as bad an idea you know it really is, the thought of reconciling things with this past "love" is too much to handle. Alas, the strain is too much, and you whip out your phone and manage to string together a few words of something like "hey, I miss you" or some bs like that and you do the worst thing imaginable: you hit send.

Now at this moment, after you have essentially dug your own grave by allowing yourself to send this message, one of two things can happen. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse. The first possibility is that this girl will just assume you are hammered and ignore you completely, one-word you to kill the conversation, or make some pathetic remark like "get a life" which is always very amusing. While this might lower your confidence for about 39 seconds, it isn't all that hard to rebound from. The second possibility could be a bit more devastating: the girl might actually take this as a sign you want to get back together, or hook up. This will probably develop over the next couples of days with her texting you continuously, talking about how much she has missed you, and how great a couple you two were. Now to be perfectly honest, I can't say there is a definitive way out of this hole. If you blow her off, you look like an a****** considering that you initiated the conversation in the first place. You can't even make the excuse that you were belligerent, because even that shows you were thinking of her. My only suggestion is to step on the grenade. Go on a date, with her, really it is all you can do. Take her to the most generic restaurant possible, and put in absolutely no effort. Essentially, prove to her that you haven't changed at all, and aren't worth dating. Really, that is the only way to rectify this horrible situation.

While this is my perspective, on drunk texting girls, Alex does things a bit differently. He is currently sitting next to me on fooling around on youtube, so I'll have to offer his opinion on my own. While I usually only text girls that I haven't associated with in a while, Alex reaches out to girl that he would ideally like to be with. The girls that he had a fling with during high school, but wanted more, or the ones that he failed to have the courage to take to the next level. He uses this sudden dosage of confidence as an excuse to make conversation. Somehow, when drunk, Alex convinces himself that he has more game with women than sober. While I'm not really sure how this works, it is the method he uses, so I can't argue too much. Miraculously, it has been found to be rather effective too. The relationship he had with the girl he recently dumped originated because of a drunk text. Of course with every success, there are failures as well. Fortunately, Alex has become quite good at covering up his mishaps with lines like "I'm so sorry about last night, I was like 10 deep and I lost myself there for a while." An effective line like that, and all is forgiven.

While both Alex and I do not totally disapprove of the drunk text, we want to warn our male readers of its many pitfalls. The next time your phones starts to burn a hole through your jeans, think twice about what you are doing. Yes, things could work out and you could get with the girl in your mind, but is it really worth it? Is she that amazing, or is your inebriated self covering her true image? Choose wisely my friends...don't dig your own grave.

I Feel Pimp

So as Doug stated before, I was recently been involved in a minor, nonofficial relationship with a girl that met all of my 5 standards, (see first post). Unfortunately for her, I recently had to end things. You see, I am at a new college, having just transferred, and tying myself up to this one girl so early in my tenure would just be restricting to my social life. The thought of commitment with her translated to a stoppage of my social growth at my new school.

Despite this, I couldn’t just break things off with her totally without having any alternatives. Note that I used the word ‘alternative’ and not fall back. Much like Doug, I’m not into the hook up game anymore. Sure, it is needed every so often to keep sanity, but I need to settle down and start scoping out this relationship thing that people are doing. (I've been told its becoming rather sheik) I currently have two possible alternatives. Here they are…

Mika: She is a new girl I met dancing with at a party. We were introduced from a mutual friend on Halloween. She was a nurse, and I was the doctor, so it seemed to fit perfectly. She was all over me, and I really thought that things would escalate at least a little bit. Unfortunately, a friend told me that she wasn't the hook up type. While I may have lost the battle, I certainly didn't lose the war. The next couple days were interesting as I was told of Mika’s relationship history, and personality (doesn’t just hook up, no real relationships, not too much experience). Basically, a prude. It was rather shocking. Her hips certainly didn’t lie on the dance floor. Finding out this new information pushed her to the back of my mind. She may have been pretty sexy, but it seemed like a lot of effort.

Fast forward 3 weekends, and I am dancing with my minor, unofficial relationship girl (the night her and her friend interrogated me with questions about my intentions as Doug already wrote about). While dancing, all of a sudden I see Mika undressing me with her eyes. Although I was pretty involved dancing with my other girl, Mika made continuous efforts to be near me, and make eye contact with me. I went for a little break outside the apartment with my friend, and Mika was leaving with a couple of hers. I made some cute, flirty remarks about leaving before we got the chance to dance, but she responded with something sassy about how she had to go to Wawa instead of dance. Taking this hit, I jokingly responded with “sausage egg and cheese on a croissant.” She sarcastically laughed and kept on walking.

About 10 minutes later, I was back on the dance floor, and got a text from this unknown number. It was Mika, and she had gotten my number from a friend! She was texting to confirm my order. My friend, who had told me all the information of her history with guys, was shocked by this aggressive move on her part. Later in the night, I am being questioned by my minor relationship’s friend, and I get the text for sandwich. I feel pimp because I am talking about one girl whom I’m with to this person, and then texting another girl who seems to have a crush on me, and who got me a sandwich! After leaving the minor relationship’s friend’s room with the mindset I was done with her, I texted Mika, and asked to come up to her room to enjoy that sandwich. She happily opened the door for me, I ate the sandwich, and now I have a new prospect.

In a matter of hours, my whole girl situation changed. I basically ended things with the one girl, and started things with another. We must always learn to be open to new opportunities. You never know what may happen. “When one door closes, another opens.”

Something Missing

From time to time we meet a girl that fits into every category necessary in order to become a dream girl. She is witty, intelligent, personable, and attractive, seemingly everything a guy could ever want. However, there is still something missing. Whatever it is, you can't quite seem to be able to take the leap of faith with the girl in question; no matter how many criteria she fits, she still somehow falls short. For a long time, I never really understood why this was. How could could someone so ideal be incomplete? Finally, I think I now have an understanding as to how this can happen. I was talking to Alex the other day on the phone, discussing the usual: plans to get together over thanksgiving break, sports, and of course babes, when he mentioned this girl he had been seeing at school. Of course he had brought her up to me before, and I knew that for a time he had been pretty serious about her. According to him, she fit in her perfectly onto everything on his list. She was, in short, a dream girl. However, when I asked more about her, he admitted that he was no longer feeling it. Stunned as I was I pressed him to find out some details. Apparently, he had gone out with her to a party on the weekend and returned home afterwards with a group of people. His girl had to leave the room for a while, and one of her friends began to ask him questions about what was going on between the two of them. Now ladies, guys aren't stupid, this was obviously set up. She had intentionally left the room to allow her friend some time to find out what Alex was really thinking about the relationship. Alex recognized this as a set up immediately, and at that moment had two options: he could either admit that he was very much into her and planned on taking things farther soon, or play it off, and act like she was just another fun girl to date. He choose the latter option. It goes without saying that by doing this he had effectively ruined the relationship. Honestly, he just didn't really care. A girl that had seemed so perfect became bland and generic in the most crucial of moments. What I am starting to see is that in any relationship there needs a certain spark from both individuals involved. Alex never had that. He let the opportunity to prove that he cared slip away with out so much as a backwards glance. He felt no desire to defend or protect his girl; to stand up for their relationship. Subconsciously, he was pushing her away. No matter how perfect any girl may seem, the moment of truth comes when you first have to describe how you feel about her. If you can't do that, you simply don't care.

The Area Code Game

Let's face facts and accept one reality when it comes to guys: we all check girls out. We look at the gorgeous, the cute, the average, and even the "grenades" (to quote Jersey Shore). Unfortunately, guys have never really been able to come up with a system for describing the girls they check out to their friends...until now that is. Normally, the conversation will go like this:

bro sees hot girl: "Yo man, I just saw this total babe. She had a great body and amazing hair. Damn."

friend: "Well thats great dude, but you settle with girls a lot so I can't really trust you. You're judgement of "babe" is just a cute girl for me."

With that the conversation ends, and no one has any real grasp on how beautiful this girl really is. Ladies and Gentleman let me present the area code game. Now to be fair, I can't take credit for this revolutionary idea. One of my bros first introduced the idea to me during the summer and I have started to use it exclusively when describing women to my friends. As a disclaimer, the area code game is completely superficial. My friends and I utilize it solely when describing girls we don't know. It goes without saying that when considering who to date, other factors such as personality and charisma go a long way.

Now that that is out of the way, let's get down to business. As we all know there are three digits in an area code. In our area code, the first digit, allows for numbers 0-9, and describes the girls face. The second is 0-2 and gives everyone a good understanding if you would "hook up" with the babe in question. A 0 means never, a 1 when drunk or in need of "getting some" and a 2 is always. The third digit is once again 0-9 and details the girls body. Using these numbers, the highest a girl can be is a 929, while a 414 is considered average. It is important to note that you base everyone off the hottest girl you know. Therefore, you give the best looking girl that you have at least some minimal contact with a 929 and work down from there. In our game, no celebrities or models are accepted. Let's face it gentleman, most of you have a hard enough time getting with the attractive girls in your life, so let's focus on reality and not illusion.

By no means do we want this area code game to be looked at negatively. It is only a way for my bros and I to describe all of the beautiful women we see in our day to day lives. We would never date a girl based solely on an area code. Any girl can be improved tremendously by great charm and confidence. We would also be open to any changes that our readers might want to make to the area code. Any changes to the second digit would be more than welcome: we have recently pondered the idea that 3 digits might not describe all of the possible outcomes from each scenario. Here's to hoping we all get the right girl, no matter her area code.

They Are What They Say They Aren't

One of the most amusing things about females is that almost all the time the girls that claim not to be sluts end up to be exactly what they say they aren't. Generally, it can be difficult to tell which is which, but there is one method, that is rarely ever wrong. Unfortunately, it cannot be tested until you actually begin to hook up with the girl. College weekends are rampant with random, most times meaningless hook ups, and while this can get a bit depressing at times there is little that can be done to break the cycle. With that being said, I have had my share of what I will just refer to as "experiences." What I have noticed with these experiences is that the girls who are most confident in themselves usually don't feel the need to express that things should be slowed down while hooking up. What I mean by this is that comments such as "We can't go any farther, I'm not a slut" or "I want you to come back for more" are never said by the girl who isn't a slut. Instead, that girl finds a way to make you think you are getting whatever you want, and yet afterwards, you want even more. The girls that insist on making such comments generally lack the confidence to feel as if you will want to come back after the one night together. Because of this, their behavior is generally sluttier than the others, because they feel the need to overcompensate for some perceived shortcoming. They are easier to hook up with, but always prevent things from progressing to a certain level because they think that they are "teasing" you by stopping short, and that this will drive you wild with desire. What they don't realize is that this is actually a turn off. I'm much more into the girl who has the confidence and is comfortable enough to go as far as she wants and not be outwardly nervous as to whether or not you are going to come back. This is far more attractive. With this being said I guess the message for this post is for the ladies out there: have confidence and be don't be fooled into thinking pulling up short is always best. This confidence will help you discover what is really best to do with your guy for the evening. Whether it is just a kiss goodnight, or much much more, doing what you want will make us come back.

Let's Dance

Dance parties are a big deal at my school. Most of the places you go on any given weekend will most likely incorporate dancing. For someone like me, this is phenomenal. I can't say that I'm a good dancer, but I found that when dancing at these parties, ability has little to do with it. I am confident. I try different moves, and go with the flow. In order to do this, one needs a girl to dance with. Fortunately, finding a suitable girl is not all that difficult. I usually have no problem approaching a girl, and oft times there are many that I already know. The problem I encounter comes after we start. The sexual nature of today's dancing leaves me in a rather uncomfortable situation, especially with girls that I do not know well. Somewhere in the back of my mind this thought that I should know them a little bit always creeps into my mind. I wage a battle in my head: do I start a conversation or don't I? Now I think it is safe to say that having an actual chat with a girl that is draped all over you is probably a bit of a turn off, but not saying anything is just creepy to me. Let me paint you a picture. I'm at a party, see a girl across the room, think she is cute and go dance with her. Two minutes later she is all over me as if we have been dating for years. Now at this moment I usually think to myself that I must get to know her at least a little. So I start talking to her. Always a big mistake. Whenever I do this I am always given a horrified look as if I have just broken some type of code or something. For a while I never understood why this was. Then I started to look around my surroundings and I realized something about females. They have code signs. It is a well known fact that all girls travel in packs. It is the responsibility of each individual member within the pack to look out for the other members. Typically, this will go something like this: guy approaches a girl and starts dancing with her. Fellow members of the pack judge the guy their friend is dancing with and give a signal as to whether she should continue to dance or not. Sometimes these signs are really generic like a thumbs up or thumbs down or occasionally they are more subtle like a simple gesture. Either way the message is delivered...and always obeyed. Personally I can honestly say that I have never noticed this happen to me. Now, I'm beginning to understand why girls don't like the simple conversation. If they are dancing with you, they don't care. They don't really want to know you...they just know that the rest of their friends approve and that is all that really matters. With this newfound knowledge I have a new approach: no more conversation...let's just dance baby.

Why I Write (Doug)

Within the last few weeks, I have found myself having to defend the blog more and more. At parties, groups of girls circle, whispering and pointing at me until one finally builds the courage to ask me if I am "the kid that writes the blog." Others are more blunt. I have been told that our blog is "demeaning to women" and that I'm not Tucker Max. Sometimes, the feedback is positive. Just last week a girl approached me and said "I read your last post. It was really nice and sweet. I liked it a lot." Generally, when a girl (or group) tells me that I'm "disgusting" or an "a******" I simply ask them whether or not they have read it. Surprisingly, most who hate on me, haven't read a single word. They simply believe the rumor mill. I have found that most everyone who has read the blog has mostly positive things to say about it. Sure, there may be some questionable parts, but to say that it is demeaning to women might be a tad harsh. My only hope is that before you pass judgement on my writing, take the time to read several posts. If you do that, I feel as though it will be hard to find anything too wrong with "The Journey of Two Imperfect Guys."

This finally leaves me with the question as to why I write. Why do I continue something that has brought me such turmoil? I mulled over this question quite a while. Finally, I remembered something that I once learned in English class. A great writer doesn't write for his audience, but for himself. I write for myself, not for Alex, the kids in my dorm, or my friends from home. Of course, I hope that everyone enjoys my writing. It is my desire that the observations I make are discussed and the reality of what I say is discovered. My only goal is to show how crazy we make something that is seemingly so simple, and my only hope is that you take time to consider what I say before you judge it.

Overanalyzing Simplicity

There comes a time when every guy changes their expectations of girls. For example, I think it is safe to say that most guys care much less about personality than overall attraction during high school. While I'm sure there are many guys who never grow out of this stage, Alex and I are starting to notice a transition into looking for the more wholesome girl. Not to say that we aren't attracted to the girls we date, but it becomes much more enriching to date someone who has opinions and is interested in what is going on around her. The transition from high school to college has elevated our educational thinking and conversely has changed the type of girl we are interested in. I'm sure that this idea is the same for girls. Conversation and personality has grown much more important when dating. With that being said, it is fair to create a connection between this idea and the "dream girl" vs. "fall back girl" that Alex and I detail extensively in previous posts. To reiterate, the difference between the two most likely does not hinge upon looks, but more upon the types of conversations you can share with the girls.

Throughout most of high school, Alex was good friends with a girl who he had a lot in common with. They were very comfortable with each other and had a very good relationship. Now, there is no denying that this girl was (and still is) cute. She has an appeal about her that few other girls possess. However whether or not Alex was caught up with his "dream girl" documented in one of the earliest posts, or if he was scared of the commitment, he never made a move. Obviously, it is important to know that this girl was without a doubt interested in him. While she was comfortable as friends, she had a crush on him throughout most of high school. Towards the end of the summer, Alex and I hung out with before we all went back to college. I had never been that close with her, but I respected her and knew the history between her and Alex. Throughout hanging out, I saw the familiarity that each had with the other. They were so smooth, so relaxed. It was almost sad that they weren't together.

After we left Alex said to me, "hey man you know how we were discussing the difference between the fall back girl and the dream girl? Well I always thought she was the fall back type, but I think I might have been wrong. She's everything I really want." I must admit I was intrigued by this moment of realization. Both of us have never really been able to settle on one girl for an extended period, and this comment seemed to be an opening to a new level of maturity. Unfortunately for Alex, this girl now has a fairly serious boyfriend at college, and has seemed to gotten over her long crush on him. Their timing was never right. While things could possibly still develop in the future, who knows if they will ever feel the same way at the same moment. The key to this story is that there is no such thing as the perfect girl. Girls, as well as guys are far from perfect, and to search for perfection is a futile cause. Of course, Alex didn't realize this when it was most important. He looked through the girl he could have been totally happy with, for a dream that does not exist. We all must learn never to overanalyze simplicity...

Changing the Misconceptions

After reading through the blog, and all the posts since July, it is apparent that we need a post in order to return to our main focus. When Alex and I first started posting, we intended to give tips and opinions about the opposite sex. We were going to discuss what to and what not to do and some basic ideas that will help any average guy catch the girl of his dreams. However, what we quickly realized, was that while this was a worthwhile topic, it was much more amusing to write about some of the ridiculous shit we have done in the past. Ideally, we need to find some sort of balance between the two. As word of this blog has spread to some extent across campus, I have become acutely aware of some of the negatives of writing about such a topic. While the feedback has been very positive, its understandable that some people (most especially girls) would be a bit turned off when reading some of the posts. With this being said, even the girls I know who have read the blog tell me they think its pretty damn hilarious. Both Alex and I must admit, we think so too.

There are two main ways to pursue a girl that you are really into. The first is a very flirty, and forward approach. Let the girl know you are into her, but don't make it seem like she is the only girl. What must be noted when taking this approach is that you must be confident with girls; from your body language to your topics of conversation, you must be on top of your game. No girl will fall for a guy that isn't confident when using this method. Generally, when successful, this method ends in hooking up and not much else. The flirting is usually so intense at the very beginning of the relationship that after a few weeks the flame burns out. Unfortunately, after that period things can get very awkward. Honestly, while I often fall into the trap of taking this approach, things fall apart much faster than intended. This must be considered when weighing the pros and cons of each option.

Option number two is a much simpler, slower approach. Get to know the chick first. Showing her that you can carry a conversation will take you a long way. Girls are impressed by the guy who is chill. However, when using this method, one must be very careful not to get "friend zoned." Being friend zoned for all intensive purposes will end your hopes of ever getting with that girl. To help counteract this, there must be a calculated amount of flirting added to every conversation. Make it apparent to the girl that you might be into her, but don't be aggressive. To be honest, if you really are into this girl, you should want to hangout with her, and not worry about hooking up. Just being with her should make you happy.

It cannot be said enough that we all play "the game." Honestly, no guy can ever claim to play it perfectly. No one really knows what the hell they are doing, but we try to be as good as possible. What we don't realize is that maybe being good isn't all that important. Perhaps, the key is to be yourself. Be true to who you are. By doing this, the right girl will come.

Sticky Situation (Alex)

The first few weeks back on campus are generally fairly insane. Students try to catch up with one another after a long summer apart, and most girls always do their best to look good. Both guys and girls know that the first impression is always very important. Unlike high school, it is much easier to meet new people from year to year.

The second weekend on campus, I met a cute girl at a party I was at. She was really personable and was fun to talk to. On top of that, she seemed pretty into me as well. Frequent touches on the arm and close conversation tipped me off to the fact that I should pursue things with her. I walked her back to where she lived, asking for her number on the way. Once I had gotten that, I felt confident going in to give her a kiss goodnight. When we got back, I made my move and we started kissing. Now, when kissing someone for the first time, its easy to experience completely different techniques. Some girls go in for a "peck" while others start shoving their tongue down your throat which is always disconcerting. I am always taken off guard by that move, and have trouble recovering from such aggression. The ideal kiss is something in between; lips slightly open, with a slow, simple, and more romantic approach. This girl did just that. She knew how to kiss. After a few minutes, I said goodnight to her, promising to text her the next day.

While I had been talking to my girl from the weekend throughout the beginning of the following week, a mid-week party presented a good opportunity to go out. The night, which started promising, ended up being a bust and I went to hangout with a girl that I had been friends with for a while. Well, we were hanging out, when all of a sudden, out of no where, we started kissing. This girl was in great shape, and she quickly turned into an enjoyable hook up. We didn't do much besides make-out, but it was really relaxed and fun. Since we are good friends, we are very comfortable with each other.

The next weekend rolled around, and I went out to another party to hangout with friends. I saw the girl from the previous weekend and started talking and flirting a bit with her. After a few minutes, I turned around and my heart sank. Walking towards me was my friend from during the week. I excused myself from the first girl, and made my way over to the other to say a quick hello. After that, I tried to defuse the situation by talking to another girl across the room. A few minutes later, I slowly made my way over to girl #1. At this moment, girl #2 came over and slapped me on my ass, which girl #1 noticed immediately. Her expression of disdain was easy to read.

I went to the bathroom, and tried to think of a plan. I didn't think of anything genius. All I could think of was to alternate talking between the two girls the rest of the night and then make an early exit. I went back and forth throughout the night, while talking to all of my other friends who were at the same party. By the end of the night, I was mentally drained. What had begun as a great time, turned into a game. Honestly, I probably shouldn't be involved at all with more than one girl at once no matter what level it is. At the same time though, one could do a lot worse. I'm simply talking to different girls and getting to know them. It's exactly as Doug says; we live in a hook-up culture and no one can accept the middle ground of simply dating. Something similar has to have happened to guys before, and we are here to help everyone out. Eventually, one of these girls will turn into the relationship girl, and all of this madness can end. Until then, it must go on...

I wish to start this entry with an apology to our readers for the amount of time in between posts. Unfortunately, this semester of college I have found to be a bit overwhelming academically, and while I admire Tucker Max (see I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell) and his ability to graduate from college while putting in little or no effort, I am a bit more dedicated. Despite this, I have had several experiences which I will be able to share with you. For a little background, I go to a small, prestigious and very preppy liberal arts school. While classes are difficult, and the amount of work can be extraordinary, we still know how to party. (every night if you really want to.) I have spent the first few weeks of school buckling down on academics and meeting as many chicks as possible. I have now adopted the way I refer to girls as "chicks" because that is just what you call them here. Guys are "dudes" or "bros" and girls are "chicks." I have met quite a few chicks, hooking up with a couple, but nothing serious. With the rest, I have been absurdly flirtatious. There are a lot of cute girls, and being me, I have found it difficult to focus on one for more than like 36 hours.

All of this changed the other day when I walked into one of my classes and was immediately drawn in to this girl sitting in the back of the room. Naturally, there were several seats around her, because all of the guys in the room were too intimidated to sit near her, and she was actually one of only three girls in the class. Obviously, she didn't know anyone. In every class I sit in the back (not because I don't pay attention, but more because I feel cooler strolling nonchalantly past all the nerds in the front.) Anyway, I walked into her aisle, and decided to sit a couple seats away, not wanting to appear too creepy. I resisted the urge to talk to her for about a minute until I turned to her and said simply "how does it feel to be one of three girls in the class?" She smiled as I had intended and answered with something like "I love it. It's awesome." I assumed the conversation was over for the time being until she said a few seconds later, "How does it feel to be one of like 20 guys in this class right now?" I turned to her and smiled for a moment and then said simply, "I generally stand out." She laughed, and I turned back to my notebook knowing that I had made the perfect first impression.

We had class the next day, and we ended up sharing a computer for an assignment we had. I was chill with her, not aggressive at all, but charming as hell. After class, I walked her back to her dorm. As we were about to depart, she said to me "Here, let me give you my number so we can hangout sometime." I got her number and walked back to my dorm finding it hard to focus on anything but her.

We went to dinner that night, and had lunch together the next day. During the course of our time together she made comments such as "You must have been the most popular guy in high school because you are confident, athletic, and good looking." and that "I was just her type of guy." I even made a comment about us dating and she took it in stride as if it was inevitable. A couple days later I was out at a party and ran into her. I walked over and put my arm around her and we started talking. I asked her if she wanted to get dinner off campus the next night, and at this moment she abruptly blurts out "I have a boyfriend and I love him a lot." I was f****** floored. Now to be clear, she had mentioned before that she had someone at home but she had acted as if it wasn't really a big deal, and that I didn't have to worry. I figured that I could just take things slow, and eventually this guy would fade from her interests. I guess I was wrong.

The last week or so things have been decidedly awkward between us. She talks to me but not in the same flirty way she once did, and it seems during some instances that she is avoiding me. She certainly doesn't seek me out like she once did. What I have started to notice about her and many girls on campus is that many have boyfriends from home. My reaction to this is generally appalled. College is the time to meet new people. If you are truly meant to be with that significant other from home, then things will happen later in the college experience. If you stay with them now, you are potentially straining your relationship, as well as missing out on someone that might actually be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now don't get me wrong this is absolutely not what I'm looking for, but these things have to considered. I structured my entire senior year of high school around not having a girlfriend (minus my dream girl) in order to be ready for college. I sacrificed many possible hook-ups during this time, and now I'm beginning to wonder why? We live in a culture of either intense dating or random hook-ups. Whatever happened to the middle ground of casual dating? The idea of taking a girl out to get to know her better to see where things lead? America is torn by two opposite viewpoints: the long term relationship vs. the hook-up culture. Let's stop for a minute, and realize what we are missing out on by doing this. You may laugh, but while you are wasting your time with your high school sweetheart, the potential love of your life could be sitting in their room not more than 100 feet away. Don't miss out.

I Can't Even Think of a Title, Just Enjoy (Doug)

As the summer draws to a close, and friends begin to return to their respective college campuses throughout the country, there begins a mad dash to accomplish everything before one leaves. I peace in a few days, and have found that as my departure draws nearer kids pop into my life seemingly out of no where asking to get a bite to eat or go to a movie. I'm always down for this, especially when its a girl that decides they want to reemerge. I have been receiving texts from girls lately wanting to get together because "they are gonna miss me so much" and while I generally toy with the idea for a while, I realize that they have had the last three months to do something if they missed me so much. They lost their chance. Besides, I literally have two dollars in my wallet and I'm making it my sole mission not to need anymore over the summer. I think a piece of pizza might be a good investment of the two bucks, and I certainly can't take a girl out to watch me eat a slice.

While, I usually make some excuse as to why I can't go out, when my girl from the previous post "Sometimes it is Just Too East" informed me that her house was empty and we had about two hours for one last afternoon of fun, I dropped everything and bolted to her house. Once I got there, we went into her basement and we devised a plan in case anyone came home while we were together. Her basement has a sliding glass door that opened up onto a patio out back, and I was to run out the door into her backyard, and down the road where we had carefully parked my car. My car was on a completely different street. Once that was settled, we got down to business. At first, it was just kissing and cuddling. The first 15 minutes passed with nothing serious happening. Finally, I began to escalate things, kissing more passionately, moving in to take it farther. All of a sudden, I heard a slam of a door from somewhere in the house. Scared shitless, I threw the girl to the side and made a mad dash for the door forgetting my shoes by the couch. As I reached the door, I felt another presence in the room and I turned, bracing myself to say hello to her father and attempt to shake his hand. (Or do something that would keep him from killing me.) It was not her father in the room, but her older brother who is a couple years my elder. He is a big, burly kid and while I would never admit it, I had always been scared of him while his sister and I were dating. I wanted to say something, but froze in the moment, and instead just stared at him, my mouth wide open. He took one look at me (he never liked me) and said "you might as well get the f*** out now since you are already halfway gone." I sure as hell wasn't gonna argue with that, and was about to leave when I realized that he was standing right next to my shoes. I would have to go within about 4 inches of him to get near them. Well I wasn't about to get that close, so I just stood by the door mutely surveying the scene. He turned to his sister and promptly asked "what were you doing" and she responded with the typical "nothing" which almost always means it was something. He muttered a few words about her being a whore and it was then I mustered the courage to grab my shoes from by his feet. I tiptoed over and slipped them on as quiet as a mouse while he continued to reprimand his sister. I turned, slipped out the back door, and sprinted to my car.

As I drove home I realized how hilarious the whole scene really was. This kid probably should have beaten the shit out of me. Instead, he decided to yell at his sister. I went through the entire scene completely unscathed. He let me walk right out of the house without even so much as a serious threat. I guess there really wasn't much he could do. I mean I had completely screwed his sister over when we dated and here I was again messing around with her. He must wonder how I do it. Honestly, (and I seriously don't mean this in a cocky way cause I have had my share of trouble with girls as the blog shows) he probably wants to have my game. Secretly, he wants to do girls, what I do to his sister...

Role Reversal (Alex)

I have noticed that there is a fundamental difference in the way we treat the fall back girl and the dream girl. Dream girls seem to have an aura that force us to treat them differently. You see, the fall back girl can easily be texted at anytime, and the conversation can be about anything. I simply do not care how she responds to what I say. Because of this, I generally start texting with lines like, "hey baby girl, what's good?" or "what's shakin'?"

Lately, I have been spending time with a girl who meets all my qualifications (see first post) in order to be my "dream girl." In the past, I would never take any risks texting, and would rarely be flirty. I was obviously scared about the possible repercussions. I have had such success with the fall back girls and my risque text messages, that I figured why not throw caution to the wind and talk to my "dream girl" in that manner. With this in mind, I decided to take a big-time chance. I realized that if I didn't take this chance, the conversations and relationship would never go anywhere. Attempting to add humor to my little experiment, I changed my "dream girls'" name in my phone to one of my "fall back girls'" name to make things as realistic as possible. I have always been very successful with this particular fall back girl. I began texting with, "what's good baby girl?" and her response was almost instantaneous. More shocking than her quick answer was what she said: "hey :):) what's up:)?" After her text I got distracted for a while with Doug and another friend, simply forgetting her like I would any old fall back girl. I responded with "just chilling with my boys. I bet you are jealous of them."

Throughout the evening the conversation continued this way. I would act confident, almost cocky and basically just ignore her throughout the night, often taking 15-20 minutes to get back to her. I had always thought that this was the wrong way to go about treating the "dream girl" but her instant answers and flirty mood made me question my previous thoughts. In subsequent days, she has texted to me and written on my facebook wall. All of these things make it seem that I have elevated our relationship. I have some proportion of control, and she has responded to that. What I think I am beginning to understand is that at this point in our lives, all girls want the nonchalant and difficult to read guy. They are drawn in by not knowing what we are thinking. Women, just as much as men, love the chase...and I plan on being difficult to catch.

The Long Distance Girl (Doug)

Several summers ago I met this totally fantastic girl at a camp that I went to. Whether or not it was the short amount of time we spent together, I fell totally in love with this girl. Well maybe not literally in love, but I fell hard...like can't get you out of my head hard. As the days, weeks, and months passed this girl just got better in my mind's eye. She was like a fine wine; the longer you wait, the better it tastes. I thought about her from time to time and I remembered everything that seemed so incredible about her. Now I wouldn't describe this girl as strictly gorgeous, but rather someone who held a presence. She was tall, athletic, and her hair fell in a wavy and graceful way that I just couldn't stop thinking about. Apart from her attractiveness, she was intelligent, and so easy to talk to. Conversation with her flowed like it would talking to your best friend. I felt totally comfortable with her, as if I had known her my entire life.

On the day we were set to leave we sat together trying to salvage something from the last few hours we had. My heart raced as I thought about leaning in to give this girl, who I perceived as my girl, a kiss that she would remember forever. Even if she forgot me. Of course, I couldn't muster the courage. At this time in my life my experience with girls in the "making a move" department was rather limited and I really didn't know an appropriate way to do it. I left her with a hug. I didn't even look back.

Throughout the years I have kept up communication with this girl, often with heavy flirting on both ends. Within the last year she admitted how infatuated with me she had been during our brief time together saying something like "You were so confident. I remember one time you grabbed my hand to hold it out of the blue and I was so taken. I couldn't get you off my mind." Hearing this now, I obviously was flush with pride: even at a young age I had mad skill.

With all long distance girls there comes a time when you have a chance to see them again. Your lives cross paths for a brief period and you have one moment to find out what it is you thought you had. This summer, I had that chance. I was very curious to find out whether or not I was really into this girl or if the distance had made her amazingness grow in my mind. You see, girls I see on a regular basis, I get to know on a much more personal level, and with this information I can tell what they are really like.

I met my girl in the early evening and from the moment I saw her walking up the street towards me, I knew. I knew that everything I had imagined had been reality. It took us about 48 seconds to find fluid conversation and the rest of the night was a dream. It was as I had remembered. She was my "dream girl." We had another opportunity to see each other the next morning, and we made plans. However as our second "date" began I was acutely aware of something new, something I didn't like. At last I realized that there was some mild awkwardness from each of us. It was as if we could see that our visits would not last much longer and our bodies reacted awkwardly in an attempt to keep us from getting too close. To fall again, only to be torn apart would be too difficult. Our conversations were stunted, and I found it difficult to be as fluid as the previous day had been. As we said goodbye, i knew that this might be it. We might never see each other again, and yet I found it hard to even look at her as I left. I had long thought of this second goodbye as a chance to make up for my previous missed opportunity. My moment to lean in for that kiss that would forever ingrain myself in her head. But now, as the moment presented itself to me, I could only think of the idea as foolish. Why take it there? How would it help? I turned, got out of her car, and walked away, totally and completely heartbroken. I didn't look back...

Sometimes it is Just Too Easy

In every guy's life, or at least ours, there are the girls that are just way too easy. The ones that don't qualify as fall back girls, because they are too damn good looking but are so into you, for whatever reason, that hooking up with them is like shooting fish into a barrel. Because of this, these girls prevent themselves from ever becoming the dream girl. While they usually always qualify in the looks department, they fall way behind because of the simple fact that they are not a challenge. Alex always complains about this with comments such as "I was into them for a while but then I realized that they were desperate for me. So I got bored." While there are many stories to tell dealing with Alex, we will recount Doug's story since it just happened earlier this night.

I just returned home from a date with a super sexy girl, who has been into me for a long, long time. We dated during our high school years for a few months and then fell into the occasional hook up until she started dating a dweeb, in order to be with someone she could control which she obviously couldn't do with me. Anyway, she looked absolutely gorgeous. Amazing dress, make-up done, hair curled perfectly. I was about 20 minutes late picking her up and arrived in gym shorts and a t-shirt and about 5 days of scruff on my face. She said "you look like a bum" and I replied with something like "you look good enough for the both of us baby." We drove to a restaurant where I promptly told her that I only had 27 dollars on me and that she had to keep her order under 15 dollars. She said "you really need to learn how to take a girl out" and remembering that drinks would be extra I said, "oh yeah and only water too." After the meal we went to my car and I asked her where we should go to park (in order to get it on) and she began to rattle off places we could go. We settled on a place and began passionately kissing, and I began to remember exactly how good she really was. Damn she knew what she was doing...

It occurred to me sometime around the time she was digging her nails deeply into my back that I needed to stop this madness. In a split second I realized how pathetic I was! I needed to put an end to my shallow ways and find a good, wholesome girl who could become my "dream girl." While we continued to fool around I waged a battle in my head: "You have plenty of time to find the right girl, enjoy this now." vs. "This is so unbelievably easy I can't even find that much fun in it." Alas, the first argument won out. Despite this, I have decided it is time I re-evaluate what I'm doing. It is far time that I lose my immature ways and end this fooling around with the easy girl. Ehhhhhhhh I don't know maybe I'll just enjoy this last one...

To Our Readers:
-We appreciate your continued interest in reading our stories and we would love any feedback you may have. We have noted the comment regarding the dream girl and will be writing more about that in the coming posts. Here are a couple other titles that we plan to unveil.

-The Long Distance Girl
-Meeting the Parents (This will be written by one of our good friends. We know that he will add some great insight to the matter.)

The Minute Game (Posted by Doug)

I have found that texting is completely illogical. Why text when a call would be so much more efficient? Many argue that texting allows one to accomplish tasks while still talking to someone, and while that may be true it has completely screwed with the way i talk to girls. I have found that when texting, nothing can ever be taken seriously. For example, when asking a girl out, the question is always followed with a “haha” or “lol” to lighten the mood. That way if the girl happens to reject you (and Alex and I don’t experience that much) you can always play it off with something like this: “haha alright that’s cool not a big deal i was just pretty much kidding anyway.” It becomes a way to save face; to keep the male ego intact.

While I despise texting, it is understandable as to why girls would love it. Texting allows females a “screening process” before actually meeting the guy. While actually talking on the phone might be awkward and difficult for some girls, texting lets them talk for hours about virtually nothing while they decide whether the new guy meets the needed criteria for a date.

In response to this, I have developed what I consider a foolproof method when texting a girl you are really into. (remember guys as a warning this is only to be used with the “dream girl” not the “fall back girl” it doesn’t matter with the fall back.) My friends and I call this technique “the minute game.” It is very simple. This is how it works: When texting never respond to the girl quicker than it takes for her to respond to you. For example if she texts you back in 4 minutes, wait 5. If it is 2, wait at least 3. This way you appear as if you are actually doing something. You seem busy and not really into the girl...keeping her on edge. Executed to perfection, you can drive the girl mad waiting to hear from you. Wondering where you are will only add to her “crush”. Happy waiting fellas!

The Dream Girl vs The Fall Back Girl

The problem with us is that we have classifications for girls. We have that girl we aspire to, the potential love of our life, the dream. Beneath her we have what we consider the “fall back” girl. Each girl has generally attractive attributes, but the difference lies in their ability to make conversation, and make us fall hard for them.

perfect relationship between a guy and a girl can often be correlated to a scale. Imagine each guy and girl has a designated number, from 1 to 10 (ten is best), in which it grades their appeal to the opposite sex. Some guys, like us, might average out to be a 7, but think we are a 9. Because of this, we long for the girl who is a 9 or 10. (Our dream girl) Us 7s also have girls that are 5 and 6s that we can easily fall back to, because we are the ones they long for. We are their 9 or 10! They are our fall back girl. In this way the game never ends.

Doug and Alex have similar stories about shooting for the 9 or 10. During our senior years of high school we each had an extremely attractive and popular female friend who we had long considered just a friend and nothing more. Each had a boyfriend, and on occasion, when their respective relationships were on the rocks they would show us glimpses of hope. Asking us to go to parties together, or texting every night became common. These texts weren’t those usual “hey what’s our cacl homework?” they were texting just to for the hell of it, just to talk. This texting led us to believe that this was our moment: the moment to rise up and seize the one girl that would be “perfect.” During these months every other girl who would have been easy for us became dry, boring, useless pieces of matter. Girls who would text us and would never hear a reply, or would fall victim to the one word treatment. And…….here is when we hit the brick wall.

We were flying so high, and yet still so unsure. With all of the obvious signs, couldn’t we man up and make a move? Couldn’t we ask that girl to a definite date as opposed to just a casual hangout? Couldn’t we just lean in for that kiss, if only to see what she would do? NO. WE BITCHED OUT. We let them flirt, we let them ask us out, we kept the interest going. What we failed to realize was that when dealing with the 9 or the 10 the flame eventually loses its spark. Sooner or later, the texts the stop and so does the dream.

An Imperfect Guy's Perfect Girl

In the life of every teenage guy, each goes through a trial and error of capturing the ideal girl. We weigh the pros and cons of every female, examples ranging from our high school prom queens, to real life celebrities, and sometimes we even dare to let our minds wander as we pass that gorgeous 30ish looking woman in the local shop rite. Because we invest so much time in the pursuit of the “perfect woman” we have many experiences. From kicking our adorable classmate in the second grade, to building up the courage to put our arm around our high school crush in the movie theater, we have had occurrences of success…and oh yeah A LOT of failure. Despite this, we continue to create criteria, which our girl must possess.

This is Alex’s list:

I make it simple.

1. Pretty

2. Nice

3. Ambitious

4. Intelligent

5. Wholesome

You would think these qualities are found quite frequently, but it’s a rarity to capture all in one.

Doug’s philosophy is a bit different. While I of course appreciate all of the things mentioned in the list above, I wonder is there such a girl?

We talk on a regular basis that perfection in a girl does not exist. Even more importantly, we are starting to realize that we are far from perfect. With this in mind, how do we dare wish for the perfect girl?