Several summers ago I met this totally fantastic girl at a camp that I went to. Whether or not it was the short amount of time we spent together, I fell totally in love with this girl. Well maybe not literally in love, but I fell hard...like can't get you out of my head hard. As the days, weeks, and months passed this girl just got better in my mind's eye. She was like a fine wine; the longer you wait, the better it tastes. I thought about her from time to time and I remembered everything that seemed so incredible about her. Now I wouldn't describe this girl as strictly gorgeous, but rather someone who held a presence. She was tall, athletic, and her hair fell in a wavy and graceful way that I just couldn't stop thinking about. Apart from her attractiveness, she was intelligent, and so easy to talk to. Conversation with her flowed like it would talking to your best friend. I felt totally comfortable with her, as if I had known her my entire life.
On the day we were set to leave we sat together trying to salvage something from the last few hours we had. My heart raced as I thought about leaning in to give this girl, who I perceived as my girl, a kiss that she would remember forever. Even if she forgot me. Of course, I couldn't muster the courage. At this time in my life my experience with girls in the "making a move" department was rather limited and I really didn't know an appropriate way to do it. I left her with a hug. I didn't even look back.
Throughout the years I have kept up communication with this girl, often with heavy flirting on both ends. Within the last year she admitted how infatuated with me she had been during our brief time together saying something like "You were so confident. I remember one time you grabbed my hand to hold it out of the blue and I was so taken. I couldn't get you off my mind." Hearing this now, I obviously was flush with pride: even at a young age I had mad skill.
With all long distance girls there comes a time when you have a chance to see them again. Your lives cross paths for a brief period and you have one moment to find out what it is you thought you had. This summer, I had that chance. I was very curious to find out whether or not I was really into this girl or if the distance had made her amazingness grow in my mind. You see, girls I see on a regular basis, I get to know on a much more personal level, and with this information I can tell what they are really like.
I met my girl in the early evening and from the moment I saw her walking up the street towards me, I knew. I knew that everything I had imagined had been reality. It took us about 48 seconds to find fluid conversation and the rest of the night was a dream. It was as I had remembered. She was my "dream girl." We had another opportunity to see each other the next morning, and we made plans. However as our second "date" began I was acutely aware of something new, something I didn't like. At last I realized that there was some mild awkwardness from each of us. It was as if we could see that our visits would not last much longer and our bodies reacted awkwardly in an attempt to keep us from getting too close. To fall again, only to be torn apart would be too difficult. Our conversations were stunted, and I found it difficult to be as fluid as the previous day had been. As we said goodbye, i knew that this might be it. We might never see each other again, and yet I found it hard to even look at her as I left. I had long thought of this second goodbye as a chance to make up for my previous missed opportunity. My moment to lean in for that kiss that would forever ingrain myself in her head. But now, as the moment presented itself to me, I could only think of the idea as foolish. Why take it there? How would it help? I turned, got out of her car, and walked away, totally and completely heartbroken. I didn't look back...
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