The Art of the Drunk Text

We've all done it before. You know, the times when you get a little tipsy, had a bit too much alcy, and start to get wistful about all the past relationships you have ever had in your entire life. From, the girl you first referred to as your "girlfriend" in the sixth grade, to that random senior you hooked up with a few times as a freshman, (yeah, I did that) your semi-functioning brain begins to reminisce on what could have been. Suddenly, every girls annoying flaws, and irritating habits are eliminated, and all you can remember are the few sorta enjoyable moments you had with them. Only, in your mind these moments are suddenly transformed into unforgettable memories. All of a sudden that cellphone in your pocket begins to burn a hole through your pants. As much as you try to dissuade yourself, and as bad an idea you know it really is, the thought of reconciling things with this past "love" is too much to handle. Alas, the strain is too much, and you whip out your phone and manage to string together a few words of something like "hey, I miss you" or some bs like that and you do the worst thing imaginable: you hit send.

Now at this moment, after you have essentially dug your own grave by allowing yourself to send this message, one of two things can happen. Honestly, I'm not sure which is worse. The first possibility is that this girl will just assume you are hammered and ignore you completely, one-word you to kill the conversation, or make some pathetic remark like "get a life" which is always very amusing. While this might lower your confidence for about 39 seconds, it isn't all that hard to rebound from. The second possibility could be a bit more devastating: the girl might actually take this as a sign you want to get back together, or hook up. This will probably develop over the next couples of days with her texting you continuously, talking about how much she has missed you, and how great a couple you two were. Now to be perfectly honest, I can't say there is a definitive way out of this hole. If you blow her off, you look like an a****** considering that you initiated the conversation in the first place. You can't even make the excuse that you were belligerent, because even that shows you were thinking of her. My only suggestion is to step on the grenade. Go on a date, with her, really it is all you can do. Take her to the most generic restaurant possible, and put in absolutely no effort. Essentially, prove to her that you haven't changed at all, and aren't worth dating. Really, that is the only way to rectify this horrible situation.

While this is my perspective, on drunk texting girls, Alex does things a bit differently. He is currently sitting next to me on fooling around on youtube, so I'll have to offer his opinion on my own. While I usually only text girls that I haven't associated with in a while, Alex reaches out to girl that he would ideally like to be with. The girls that he had a fling with during high school, but wanted more, or the ones that he failed to have the courage to take to the next level. He uses this sudden dosage of confidence as an excuse to make conversation. Somehow, when drunk, Alex convinces himself that he has more game with women than sober. While I'm not really sure how this works, it is the method he uses, so I can't argue too much. Miraculously, it has been found to be rather effective too. The relationship he had with the girl he recently dumped originated because of a drunk text. Of course with every success, there are failures as well. Fortunately, Alex has become quite good at covering up his mishaps with lines like "I'm so sorry about last night, I was like 10 deep and I lost myself there for a while." An effective line like that, and all is forgiven.

While both Alex and I do not totally disapprove of the drunk text, we want to warn our male readers of its many pitfalls. The next time your phones starts to burn a hole through your jeans, think twice about what you are doing. Yes, things could work out and you could get with the girl in your mind, but is it really worth it? Is she that amazing, or is your inebriated self covering her true image? Choose wisely my friends...don't dig your own grave.