Earlier this week a girl in my calculus class returned from her honeymoon. She returned, contrary to my misconceptions about marriage, the same girl that she left as. I have long felt that saying the words "I do" has an immediate and noticeable impact on someone, but as she sat in class today, she was still the same nameless girl that always sat two rows over and four seats up from me. She was, except for the gaudy ring perched on her finger, unchanged. The only senior in my class, (calc isn't something one generally takes in their last semester of college) she inevitably sits in her seat acutely aware of her status as class "elder."
We did some group work today, something done as a way to break up the long monotony of taking derivatives and sketching graphs, and for the first time all semester she landed in my group at the back of the room. Too distracted to actually focus on work, I instead tried to catch glimpses of her ring, which she seemed to hide from us, pressing her hand against her shirt or hiding it underneath the desk. I had never had a classmate who was married before, and I was suddenly aware that marriage had made her completely and utterly different from me or any other kid in the room.
I finally got up the nerve to ask where she went on her honeymoon, and she responded that they had gone to Disneyland. She proceeded to tell me that they went to all four parks, and began to list the different stops during their week of ignorant bliss. I couldn't help but thinking to myself that Disneyland was far from the romantic getaway that I would want to spend the first precious days with my new bride. Disneyland was a for the married couple with a family of three, looking for endless fun and warm weather all at a cheap price. It was a place where families went for a brief respite from the constant struggles of life. It was where I imagined I might be ten years after my marriage, not on the first night. It was then as I looked at her giving me all the details that I realized she was still just a kid. She was taking calculus and still worrying about final exams and which party she wanted to go to on friday night. She was still in college probably exhausted from spending countless hours in the library, and yet exhilarated by the simple pleasures of learning, and dreaming of a future. Its college...every one of is just a kid...
Except her future was decided. At graduation there would be no opportunity to bask in the glow of the accomplishment, and start her first job with the carefree attitude that she could do whatever she wanted. No, she had responsibility. She had a husband, and had to be a wife.
I suppose in a few years I will come to look at these responsibilities as a blessing. At some point I will be able to relish the opportunity that she now faces...but not yet. Even as I write this, I doubt she is there either. Life is crazy, and its made far more complicated by love. Maybe her husband is everything she has ever wanted, but everything can wait. We can't control when we fall in love...but that doesn't mean we should be in any rush to grow up.
We did some group work today, something done as a way to break up the long monotony of taking derivatives and sketching graphs, and for the first time all semester she landed in my group at the back of the room. Too distracted to actually focus on work, I instead tried to catch glimpses of her ring, which she seemed to hide from us, pressing her hand against her shirt or hiding it underneath the desk. I had never had a classmate who was married before, and I was suddenly aware that marriage had made her completely and utterly different from me or any other kid in the room.
I finally got up the nerve to ask where she went on her honeymoon, and she responded that they had gone to Disneyland. She proceeded to tell me that they went to all four parks, and began to list the different stops during their week of ignorant bliss. I couldn't help but thinking to myself that Disneyland was far from the romantic getaway that I would want to spend the first precious days with my new bride. Disneyland was a for the married couple with a family of three, looking for endless fun and warm weather all at a cheap price. It was a place where families went for a brief respite from the constant struggles of life. It was where I imagined I might be ten years after my marriage, not on the first night. It was then as I looked at her giving me all the details that I realized she was still just a kid. She was taking calculus and still worrying about final exams and which party she wanted to go to on friday night. She was still in college probably exhausted from spending countless hours in the library, and yet exhilarated by the simple pleasures of learning, and dreaming of a future. Its college...every one of is just a kid...
Except her future was decided. At graduation there would be no opportunity to bask in the glow of the accomplishment, and start her first job with the carefree attitude that she could do whatever she wanted. No, she had responsibility. She had a husband, and had to be a wife.
I suppose in a few years I will come to look at these responsibilities as a blessing. At some point I will be able to relish the opportunity that she now faces...but not yet. Even as I write this, I doubt she is there either. Life is crazy, and its made far more complicated by love. Maybe her husband is everything she has ever wanted, but everything can wait. We can't control when we fall in love...but that doesn't mean we should be in any rush to grow up.
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