Airport Romance

There are certain moments in life that are deemed to be more romantic than others.  These scenes are constantly played over and over on the movies and television shows, written about in books, and often fantasized about by people desperate to find that moment so built up in our heads.  One of these moments is without a doubt picking your girl up at the airport.  Just think about it.  Where does Ross have to chase down Rachel in the final episode of Friends so that he can win her back once and for all?  The airport.  How many shows of Seinfeld revolve around scenes in the airport?  Too many to count.  In light of this, I couldn't think of anything that would be more interesting than to experience the hype for myself.  It was this thought process that made me jump at the opportunity to pick my serb up at the airport following her lengthy trip, first from Belgrade to Munich, then finally on to the great United States of America.  I couldn't help but let myself get caught up in the supposed romance of the situation.  I imagined her walking down the ramp towards me as I casually strolled to greet her, calm and collected, before I took her into my arms and gave her a passionate and longing kiss.  I thought to myself that the world would just slip away around us, the commotion of the airport fading to nothing as if the only thing that mattered was the girl in front of me and the moment we were happily stuck in.  

All of this I'm sure sounds unbelievably corny, especially coming from someone who doesn't get caught up in such things, but I had been brainwashed by the world around me.  I had been taught to expect something, and so I waited in anticipation of the moment.  

I'm not sure if some things are a bust because they are hyped too much, or simply because you expect something different from what actually happens, but it is safe to say that picking the serb up in airport was far less romantic than I had expected.  It started well enough.  I saw her coming a ways off and was instantly drawn in as if I was seeing her for the first time.  In a few fleeting seconds I felt that twinge of nervous energy that you get when going out with a girl for the first time, and I was suddenly acutely aware of all my movements.  I was surprised in this sudden change as I was normally so relaxed.  As our eyes met and we drew close I felt the people around us pressing in as if we were suddenly in everyone's way.  In response to this feeling, I gave her a quick kiss, grabbed one of her bags and led her to a more isolated section to talk.  

Looking back, it is possible that I ruined the moment.  Had I slowed down, the romance of the occasion could have been saved.  However, I don't think that is the case.  It is easy to capture the perfect kiss on tv when the scene can be shot over and over, or in a book when the author can frame an image anyway they like.  It is much harder to capture this in the moment.  In fact, it wasn't until the next day when I think we both finally settled down enough in order to enjoy the moment that was meant for the airport.  Together, relaxed, and discussing some intellectual b.s. I finally felt it, and at the end of the day that is all either of us wanted.

Searching for More

With each passing day I am becoming more and more disenchanted with women.  Not so much with any female in my life, but rather women on a whole.  This of course doesn't mean that I'm going to stop pursuing, charming, and wining and dining them, but I think I'll do it more cautiously from now on.  There is so much self-obsession and overconfidence that to be frank I find it a bit sickening.  This rather stunning revelation occurred oddly enough when I recently went to the beach.  Not far from me were a pair of bikini clad girls around my age a tad too involved with themselves.  I was close enough to make out the general flow of their conversation which revolved around the belly button rings that they were both proudly sporting.  Now to be clear most males are decidedly unconcerned with the state of anyone's belly button ring.  Apart from being a bit too flashy and perhaps slightly slutty, they offer absolutely no redeeming value.  However, these teenagers were quite concerned with their respective piercings.  They were strangely fiddling with them and discussing in great detail the ring's effect on the skin around the belly button region.  They were completely engrossed in their conversation that it was as if life around them had stopped entirely.  To them life had whittled itself down to the two of them and their belly button rings.

Now please, don't take this post the wrong way.  Men are equally guilty of such vapidity.  In my mind the biggest crime is that men don't push for more.  In general, males are so infatuated with sexiness and beauty that things that can truly define a woman like intelligence, charm, and wit are completely overlooked.  Instead women merely focus on giving men what we seem to want: sex.  Of course, at times there is nothing better than hot, heavy, and unabashed sex.  However, most people fail to realize that there can be so much more.  Men fail to force the best out of the women they date.  Instead of experiencing excitement and romance in all facets of life, we are too often left to settle into a dreary and often unending rhythm.  All I'm saying is push your girl to be everything she is capable of, and in doing so raise your own expectations.  Don't settle when there is so much unlocked potential.

Why Risk It?

Apart from marriage, or some intensely committed long-term relationship that generally tends to represent marriage at its core, there looms one question about relationships that last: why bother?  Why put yourself through such an emotional roller-coaster only to see (in just about every case) the relationship that you have worked so hard to preserve crumble and burn into a pile of pain and suffering?  Is it truly worth putting your heart on the line when it is so likely that you will be left with nothing but the broken pieces?  I've heard the reasons behind long-term relationships range from the constant opportunity for sex to the idea that over time being with someone is simply easier than not being with them.  While I'm sure that these sort of relationships are prevalent, I like to think that they can be so much more.  Call me naive, but I believe that humans are capable of relationships, outside the confines of marriage, that amount to more than a shallow desire for sex or a simple insecurity attempting to avoid loneliness.

At the center of the idea is the obvious notion the we need one another.  It is generally true that humans are happiest when interacting.  There is a reason why social networking sites are so popular; they hone one's ability to communicate.  Of course it is true that interaction can come from a variety of places.  From simple day to day conversation, to constant discussions with friends, there are many opportunities to be with other people.  Despite this, in today's culture more and more people are talking, while fewer and fewer are taking the time to listen.  This I believe is what any meaningful relationship can provide.  The ability to confide in someone that understands you on a profoundly deep level.  You see, in a relationship both of you offer support for the other.  Right or wrong, insignificant, or incredibly meaningful, one has an outlet to express their thoughts and opinions.

It is this notion that makes a relationship possibly worth all the time and trouble.  I'm not saying that this always works, but there is always that potential; a potential that will never be realized if one is too focused on the mindless sex or simple comfort of being with someone.

Looking Back on the Past Year

It has been a year since this blog stopped being merely an idea and came to fruition, and 43 posts and almost 4,000 hits later it is safe to say its been one interesting ride.  I can't exactly pinpoint the precise reason for detailing our personal experiences on one of the most frustrating and yet delightfully irresistible topics known to mankind, yet here we are continuing to write, and perhaps more importantly, continuing to document.  I guess in reality our initial purpose for writing this blog was to pass some vitally important nuggets of information to males all over the world in the hope that they would become more successful in their respective love lives.  This last sentence undoubtedly sounds arrogant and perhaps slightly conceited, but I think that it is safe to assume that preceding this year neither Alex nor myself had any real idea of what it took to date a woman.  I say woman because we no longer want a date to be insecure or immature, clingy, or desperate, we want stability and common sense.  We want someone that will just live, and let us do the same.  The search has evolved.  A was once a shallow obsession with looks and "hotness" has turned into an inkling of the "total package."

In a weird way, the blog has changed me.  While it was always entertaining to document the single hook-ups and crazy stories, it was in the end fairly unrewarding.  No matter how fun the moment seemed, there was always something missing in the end.  I suppose at this moment the idea of looking for the "total package" is something that has taken a hold of me.  I still find myself formulating this idea, and looking for ways to go about finding exactly what it is we are looking for.  At the end of the day the blog was started for you, the readers, and thats the way it is going to stay.  Through my experiences I hope to pass on something to everyone else.  Here's to hoping that one day, we figure it all out!

The "Social Constructs" of Society

Like it or not, society holds women to a higher standard when it comes to dating, partying, hanging out with friends, or just about anything that falls within the basic "social constructs" that we dictate.  Call it sexist, unfair, or just flat out wrong, more is expected out of a woman than a man in a social setting.  The thing is though, both sexes are guilty of these heightened expectations.  Who are the first people to point out the babe wearing the too short dress, or low cut shirt?  Women.  Who generally gossips about the seemingly shameless girl who is sleeping around?  Once again, the answer is almost always women.  Not to say that men are blameless.  We expect girls to be subtly seductive and yet not slutty.  We demand that a woman give us our space to be "men" and yet we assume that whenever we are in need she will respond with resourcefulness and ingenuity.  

I never said it was fair.  Quite simply, I can't imagine the pressure.  Despite this, I have to admit, I expect a woman to at least try to live up to these expectations.  I realize none of us are perfect.  I make mistakes, and so will any girl that I date.  However, society has taught me to look for certain attributes in anyone I consider dating.  When we go out, I assume that she will drink, but not so much that she losses control.  When we enter a room, I expect everyone's head to turn in awe of the beauty I've managed to make mine, but I don't want anyone to mutter the word "slut" upon our entrance.  When the night is through, I want her to show me how badly she wants me, but not so much that I don't take time to cherish every moment for fear that it could be the last.  

To be honest, I am unsure if this is too much to ask.  However, for better or worse, I believe it can be accomplished.  Furthermore, I suspect that society has dictated that women be held to a higher standard.  In return, I try to give something back.  I do my best to be intellectual, charming, and charismatic.  It may not be a fair, but I don't make the rules.  I just live by them.

The Reality of Love

This summer I have dipped into the seedy underbelly of community college.  Having lost credits upon transferring schools, sucking it up and taking a summer class became a necessity.  I choose public speaking not only because it was guaranteed to transfer, but also because I figured it would be exceptionally easy.  Thus far, my prediction has been accurate and I have breezed through the first few weeks without so much as cracking a book.  

Three days a week I go to class and am given fairly obvious advice on rhythm, poise, and diction that most of my fellow classmates can't quite seem to grasp.  For most, the seemingly repetitive nature of the class would be rather dull, but every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I awake with a certain curious excitement.  I have been through countless hours of high school, attended classes at two reputable colleges, and studied with friends from all over the world, and yet there is nothing quite like community college.  The class is full of college dropouts who fancy themselves as "hipsters" questioning the social construct of education while at the same time puttering through the very system that they carry such disdain for, and middle aged women going through a mid-life crisis, hoping that education will be the key in redefining themselves.  We often do b.s. group work and I mutter comments about the class being a complete joke while others look at me startled, because to them giving a five minute lecture or writing an analysis on some famous speech is pretty damn arduous.  

What interests me though is not what the professor forces down our throats during lecture, but rather what I learn from those around me.  I always seem to end up in the same group working with the mother of two who met her husband in the 7th grade, the divorced Russian who has teenagers and seems fascinated by my experiences with the opposite sex, and the woman in her 50s with a seemingly endless supply of tales about men.  I find it unusual how comfortable they all seem with me.  Surprisingly however, their stories of love, men, and sex don't revolve around romantic dinners and passionate encounters, but rather about disappointment and heartbreak.  Through all the failure a certain animosity has grown.  Gone from their minds is the possibility that a man can not only be your lover, but your best friend as well.  Instead are the stories of men standing them up on dates, and as they like to say "constantly thinking with their dicks."  To them, men are selfish, and incapable of any real emotion.  Its as if their heart has been broken one too many times, and the romantic notion of love that they must have once had is gone and irreplaceable.  

I find it sad that they think of men this way.  They are so convinced that they are even comfortable sharing their beliefs with me.  Now it is obvious that I haven't always been the best dater.  I've cheated on high school girlfriends, and hooked up with girls in college and then never called, but I like to think that a piece of all of us is capable of raw and boundless love.  When expressing this opinion, my classmates label me a "romantic" and "too young and innocent" to really know what love is all about.  If this is true, I hope for my sake I never discover the truth.  I'd much rather live in illusion, than deal with the reality that they face.

Finding the "Perfect" Moment

When it comes to dating, we all fear being vulnerable.  The realization that you are not only physically, but also emotionally involved in a relationship is an idea that can be difficult to handle.  This realization marks the loss of any real control; its like riding to the top of a roller coaster, enjoying the slow and steady assent, and all of a sudden slipping over the peak, careening downwards with no way of slowing down.  The feeling is exhilarating, and yet in the pit of your stomach lies an understanding that you are no longer responsible for merely yourself, but someone else as well.

It is because of this, that we avoid the inevitable.  We ignore our feelings, and push the butterflies felt for that girl we see walking around campus to the back-burner.  Instead, we wait in the wings.  Both men and women are obsessed with some outdated and romantic notion of the "perfect" moment.  With this in mind we hold off on admitting our true feelings, instead waiting for the party where everyone is a bit tipsy and the mood has been lightened, hoping that the right girl will just miraculously fall into our arms.  We hope and pray that the "perfect" girl in the "perfect" moment will appear in front of us waiting for that "perfect" kiss, the kind of fantasy that generally only comes true in those corny chick flicks where the guy always gets the girl.  Unfortunately, more often that not, the guy doesn't get the girl, and things don't work out in the cute and unpredictable way we all hope it will.

Being aware of how dating usually works, I was stunned when one of my friends from school called me the other day to tell me that she had recently told the boy she had been pining after for the last month or so how she felt.  There was no slutty dress attempting to grab his attention, or any thinly veiled flirtatiousness.  She did not try to show off to him in front of other girls, or execute any elaborate plan in order to make him realize that she was the one.  No, all there was, was the the truth.  The simple notion that she liked him.  The funny thing is, he bought it.  He told her he had feelings for her, and they ended the semester both on the same page: both parties knowing that there was the possibility of love in the fall.

Now to fully understand this story, and how unlikely it is, you have to know my friend.  She is the type of girl that obsesses over everything.  From planning out her study schedule during finals week, to deciding which sorority to join, she is never without a plan.  I often find myself helping her with her plans of action, as she is often too nervous to execute it without the input of others.  Despite this, she is smart and charismatic in just about any social situation.  While she worries over many details, she wants a straight answer, and doesn't like b.s.  I suppose it is because of this that she was so direct about admitting her feelings for this boy.  She had told me about him several times and each time she had no idea what to do about it.  However, in the moment she was direct and forthcoming in a way that most would terrified of.  What is odd, is it worked.  Maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't wait for the "perfect" moment.  What if it never comes?  Perhaps, the simple words "I like you" will make any moment perfect.